entry 6
16 october 2024

getting by with help from my parents but struggling quite a bit. its so hard to figure out what to do. if i could make money writing this blog, while being out in the woods or by playing music life would be so much more enjoyable. i cant do the 40 hour a week thing like everyone else can. it destroys me. i need to start taking my medication again. its worth trying. i need to get the courage to go out by myself again. i create barriers for myself. i think i need them sometimes too. ive been working out a lot and im definitely getting closer to my goals but theres still a way to go.

hurricane helene has devastated large sections of the east coast. we did not get the worst of it by far but it still caused a lot of damage and fear in a lot of people. i saw the wind bending enormous trees. tons of downed electric poles and more trees blocking the roads and crushing houses. we had a 30 foot surge of chocolate milk colored water rushing and swirling things around stopping only a few feet from the neighborhood that divides the river walk from the woods. for almost 2 weeks the path was so covered in debris and mud it was entirely unwalkable. luckily the local town workers did a great job cleaning it as fast as possible. i even emailed them asking if i could help but they told me to stay home. of course i was too curious for that and still went where i could. there are so many old and strong trees that had their roots ripped right out of the ground and now giant round holes are left where they stood up before. now the main path is clean but most of the forest floor and low growing plants are all totally covered in mud and the taller plants and trees have water lines far up on them telling how high the water had come. it all hurts my heart to see. i think about all the creatures that passed from the flooding.

though my regular foraging space was inaccessable for some time there is another park thats nearby and farther inland. there i also found many old tall trees that had fallen from the storm. but i was also very lucky to find the first lions mane of the season. and its the largest ive ever seen! it had to be just short of a pound. i had fun pulling it apart and cooking it. its very tasty just like crab meat. ive been putting it in my seafood noodles, my veggie rice and today i made sushi rolls with it using avocado and cucumber. because of the floods and possibly my relative unfamiliarity with these woods there has been no luck in finding more honey mushrooms yet or the last chanterelles of the season. i did find many red russulas and a really nice purple one. now that my home forest can be travelled again i am finding more lions mane, caesar mushrooms, dock in its second growth before winter, acorns and black walnuts which i am still undecided in on what they will become.

i have not been consuming much media. i am very upset at the state of usa and world politics. how can we even fight back against such powerful political machines? it feels so hopeless sometimes..and to be trapped it in no matter what you do weighs heavy. also the internet archive is being legally threatened into closing and theres no telling how long it will stay up. we are looking at such a powerful and oppressive system of control being built around us. have been trying to find little things and have little treats that keep me happy. i have been keeping up with the release of silent hill 2 remake and from only watching others play it does seem to have defied my skepticism and turned out to be a pretty good and faithful redo. ive been occasionally visiting ff9 and im enjoying it and im happy to say it holds up really well from the last time i played it around 10 years ago. its magnificently pretty and has such a fun world. had a little celebration for documenting over 30 wild mushrooms now on the site. still more in the backlog even. have been using the soda machine at my apartment complex and hoping everytime that it malfunctions again and gives me two. i recieved an incredibly sweet and meaningful bit of fanmail from a user ferret-creature on my sites guestbook. thank you very much for that, it has helped keep me warm as the autumn cold fronts start to move in. enjoying time with my dog who i love dearly. putting more creamer than usual in my coffee. realizing ill be drinking it hot in a couple weeks.

entry 5
27 september 2024

hello everybunny. lifes been changing around a bit lately. im thinking of hosting a little shop here on my page to help support myself. would anyone be interested in little clay mushrooms? i could even make them into earrings maybe? or possibly some simple handmade pillows or plushies? if the idea sounds cool could you let me know in my guestbook if you would be interested in any of these things? i am still very much in my battle with this recent wave of depression. i really need to start taking my meds again but its really hard to remember to take them and pick them up when i run out. also i usually dont eat breakfast which seems like the best time to take them so i usually just dont in that scenario. sort of an executive dysfunction thing i guess. i wish i had a roommate to help keep my head on. or a wacky neighbor would be nice too.

havent been making a lot of music lately but i have been practicing drums for about an hour a day each day and im seeing some improvements with my techique and endurance. ive really been trying to get the feel of making good fills using my toms. with just four little things to smack on theres a lot of variety honestly. (snare, tom, floor, kick) s-s f-f k-k s-s f-f k-k f-s is an easy one that feels super cool to pull off. and t-t f-f k-k s-s t-t f-f t-t f-f k-k s-s t-t f-f flows really well too. i like to put on the local college radio and just play along with whatevers on there. good variety, gives me lots of practice in different genres. i really want to get involved in the local music scene but i need to try harder. i saw my friends play at a good bar and i had a fun time. the lead is a really good song writer. i also went to my cities greek festival and got spanakopita and baklava. both tasted really great and what they were cooking on the grills smelled fantastic too. ive been stretching a lot lately trying to get myself in better shape. my back, neck and shoulders are constantly giving me pain and i am so swollen all the time from it. also im thinking my sleep schedule needs to be fixed. i no longer wish to be a night owl. i want to participate in society if they will let me.

muscadine grape season has ended as of about 2 weeks ago and im gonna miss those little guys. really its a such a great smell. the jam i made actually does taste better now that its been stored in the fridge for a while. i think the heat just brings out too much bitter. ive been snacking on it a little and the color is beautiful too. ill try to get a better picture soon, i have no bread at home right now. i bet working in a vineyard or winery could be really fun. but i guess if i had that much time i would be growing culinary mushrooms instead. which is an idea i really should work on manifesting. it wouldnt even be so expensive to set up something for just myself. i bet eventually i could find some local restaurants that would buy them from me but i guess i probably need some sort of license too.

here are some things i will be collecting over the next couple weeks. goldenrod (yellow) makes a really tasty floral tea when you add cinnamon and sugar. mistflower (purple) is poisonous but very pretty. i just decorate my house with it. pecans (green, small). at least i think they are pecans, or they are hickory. im still not entirely sure. its difficult to find them before the squirrels do and id like a lot if its okay with them. eastern black walnut (green, large) is much easier to get before the animals can. they need to be handled with gloves though because they will stain your hands yellow when you try to strip off its green shell casing. actually rolling over them with a car might be the easiest way to break them open. with both of these nuts you need to soak them in water to leech the bitterness out. coal fungus (black) is always around but i grab it occasionally. it smolders for a long time when lit on fire. could be cool to have on camping trips or in an emergency. and ringless honey mushrooms (mushroom). these taste like pork kind of but i havent eaten a whole lot of them. im gonna change that this year if i can keep finding them. some told me they called them 'plate of cookies' mushroom which is incredibly cute and im gonna try to make it a thing.

entry 4
6 september 2024

i have been very occupied the past month and am sorry i havent updated. i am realizing that i am a little undecided on the direction i want the site to move in. i still do have much to add to the plants and mushroom pages but admittedly my depression has kind of gotten the best of me the past month and i havent made a lot of progress on much of anything. but ive been thinking should i make this a very personalized space where i can dump my deepest emotions to the world or should i just keep things professional and mostly promote my foraging knowledge and art? its pretty hard to settle on so im sure they will just synthesize naturally but i do need to make sure to protect myself from any potential meanies out there that would want to use my information to harm me.

august was an exceptionally good chanterelle season. we had a full week of heavy rain and i found many new spots where they are growing large, healthy and in abundance. in my freezer i have a maybe 10x4x4 inch container absolutely filled with cooked ones that i will be able to munch on for the next couple of months. i even made a delicious cobbler with them, some apricots and cream cheese. i added little violet flowers that i foraged in the spring. i was also able to collect a good amount of pawpaws which i enjoy to eat on occasion. they taste like banana mango with a slight wild tang to them. the large seeds and the slightly bitter skin make them a little bit of a messy chore to eat but they are still very good. i planned to make bread with them but when i went to the store to buy the mix i like it was out of stock, so instead i made a lot of ice cream. its actually very easy to make ice cream at home without any proper equipment even. in one large sandwich bag you mix chunk salt, ice and water. in a seperate bag add heavy cream, your skinned pawpaw (or fruit of choice), a couple tablespoons sugar, vanilla extract. place the sealed fruit bag inside the sealed ice bag and massage the pulp for about ten minutes. its easiest with some gloves, your hands will get cold very quickly. the texture is similar to soft serve custard. also the last couple weeks of august have given me an enormous amount of muscadine grapes. many do not enjoy them and consider the skins to be too sour, but as someone who has always loved sour flavors they are perfect for me. i also had a friend over and we attempted to make muscadine jam. unfortunately i had some bad judgement and didn't add enough sugar to the mix so our jam is a little too tart. trying to think of a way to use it, im sure it can be salvaged in some way, and if not im okay with eating it in small amounts over the next couple of months.

my music world is a little tipsy turny lately as my cover band has decided to break up. so the piss monkeys are on an indefinite hiatus but when one door closes another opens and i am going to start a renewed effort to make and perform my own music. in my head i have 3 songs that are more or less finished that i need to record and another even that ive been brainstorming on. writing good songs is very difficult really. i think the most important thing is the hook or the catchiest part, but there is much to consider like relatability, the flow of words, the energy of the sounds, breaking repetition in creative but not jarring ways, finding your own style and even being able to break out of it. i have a friend thats said they would like to play bass for me but i am still looking for a drummer. im hoping that this sunday when i go to the open mic that someone will approach me enthusiastic about the idea. lets hope so. ive been dreaming of it for so long now.

lately ive started watching fullmetal alchemist for the first time and im enjoying it a lot. i noticed immediately a familiarity about it, like it was similiar to chrono trigger in some way. i was happy to read that it came out of the square/enix studio. their impact is just unmatched. so many incredible and many classic games made in just such a short time. im also still casually playing ff13, which is a little more repetitive than i remembered but still not bad really. its a very cinematic game and most of its focus is on the interpersonal relationships between characters but it does have very cool political themes that i find very relatable to as a trans person. ive also enjoyed playing bloodborne kart which is pretty fun. and ive been following whats been happening in the emulation scene concerning it and it seems like the game will be totally playable on pc by the end of the year. im incredibly excited to be able to play it for the first time.

entry 3
28 july 2024

hello everybunny, hello neocity citizens. we are fully in mushroom season and its looking to be a very fruitful year. we have gotten tons of rain all the past week to the point of flooding. its really a little ridiculous. ive started giving chanterelles away because ive run out of room in the fridge. cooking then freezing is supposed to be the best way to preserve them. yesterday i went on a short bounce at the river and found the seasons first amanita caesarea mushrooms. they are so gorgeous and tasty like cucumber with a fancy cheese after taste. there was also a new large branch thats fallen on to the ground next to the trail and it has many many splitgills. im really hoping to get a good picture when theyre not so saturated. the woods are always changing. it hurts to see the empty spaces in the tree line where giants have fallen smothering everything under them. there were also pawpaws on the ground by one of the biggest trees i know. its early for them, they were really small and were too few to take but you can see many of them growing in the leafs and theyre getting close. i did munch on one a little bit and this year the fruit tastes very good. still looking for the years remaining mayapples. there arent too many left now between me the squirrels, raccoons, the opossums and the deer. i really loving being out by myself in the forest. it is magical. when foraging there are no bright florescent lights, no computers beeping, no cameras, no schedules, credit cards, no humans staring at you, no bosses, no governments. i am very grateful for others who have documented foraging knowledge. without them my hobby would be much more dangerous.

i went to the halloween party and had a fun time. i went dressed as a snail, i had a little eye stalk headband and a shell worn like a backpack. a few people said i was cute :3 the bands were really good. two of them i have friends in. i got to dance with another friend i havent seen in a while. i met a few others that ive previously only known in the wired. i feel like im making good progress on getting myself out and meeting people. its very scary but it has been worth it. ive been meaning to put out a request looking for band members to play my songs with me but really im afraid of rejection or no one else liking my music enough. i have maybe 11 songs that i feel really comfortable and confident about and a handful of other good ideas that arent finished yet.

ive been playing elden ring dlc :3 and its good but the boss im stuck on is very difficult and i cant get any farther right now. i have an unopened copy of berserk 1 and ive really been wanting to finally open it. also replaying ff13 which i think is better than people give credit for. its exceptionally pretty. theres a lot to like about it if you can get tolerate its limitations like repetitive combat and a slow start, a lack of interactable npcs. it is also just very gender and very gay. have also been rewatching serial experiments lain. its very good and strange. i like to have it on as a background show but i would really like to understand it.

i have a collection of mushroom photos i need to upload for their page. i struggle with writing descriptions and it is the thing that delays progress on the site the most. i rewrite sentences a lot. i really struggle with representing myself accurately through language and try really hard to choose the best words for my message and intention. this helps me sort of as a songwriter i think. ive always had weird language things in my life. sometimes when speaking my brain will switch the placement of words and on occasion its pretty funny. anyway, i think soon i would like to start adding to the photo gallery page and i would really like to write a review for the game chrono cross.

entry 2
15 july 2024

helllo hello. things are coming along nicely with the site. the plants are mushrooms pages are being updated and ive formatted the pages so theyre easier to use on desktop. unfortunately the mobile view is all wonky so i will have to figure that out. my media player is slightly off center and i cant understand why. ive added a lot of buttons at the bottom of the page, please check them out. ive also added the first entry to the games page. eventually i would like to understand coding enough to be able to make games. ive tried a little before and can do simple things with static objects like movement, jumping, picking up items. creating and designing areas, backgrounds and objects is very fun too.

it is finally chanterelle season! ive even found a new spot in the woods where theyre are growing happily. last week we finally had a few days of heavy thunderstorms. i even got rained on a little bit and it felt very nice in all this summer heat. i gave some chants to a friend and theyve made apricot mushroom jelly. im so excited to try it. my friends are so good to me. ive made a couple now through our shared passion for mushrooms and foraging. i have a little fantasy about starting a mycology club maybe called the forest hunters.

my friend has been living with me for the past few weeks as theyre in between housing after getting scammed by someone collecting apartment application fees. its quite a nutty situation. apparently they even tried to fake their own death to avoid paying people back. people are very funny. we are having a good time and making the most of it. its nice to have someone around to help keep my moods in check. im also more aware of all the weird strecthing i do around the house to relieve my muscle pain. i also had some family in town and was going out to see them on my days off. i feel very busy.

the world is a very crazy place lately. war on palestine, presidental debates, attempted assassinations. it really feels like society is going to change in a really big way soon and we are reaching a limit. im lucky to have found a few little pockets of community. it does help me feel confident and safer. but i really worry. foraging also helps me to feel safe honestly. maybe someday i will live on the road in my car eating different plants and mushrooms wherever i go.

entry 1
29 june 2024

hello and welcome to my blog. thank you for your patience as i figure things out. there is much to do. there is much to decide on and my options feel limitless. i am going to make separate pages to talk about games and media and also a page to upload photos. i still have a number of plants and mushrooms to add to the archive but i am trying to not overwhelm myself. i hope that i can inspire others to learn and care about the wild.

lately i am depressed because of the structure of society. why work 40 hours a week to mostly make money for someone else; someone that controls my access to society via wages in exchange for my time; my most valuable resource in this world. ive been taught that i am supposed to be thankful for this but when i consider everything how could i be? private property might truly be the root of all evil. i have dreams about starting my own mushroom farm and selling them to sustain myself.

currently i am replaying deus ex (2000) and playing disco elysium. both are fantastic games. elden ring dlc came out a few days ago. i do not have enough money to buy it right now but i am very excited to play it. i finished playing signalis earlier this month and its immediately become one of my favorite horror games. the atmopshere is fantastic and the story is so heartbreaking. i found a copy of little women at the goodwill near me and intend to properly start it soon. i want to watch i saw the tv glow but im waiting for it to become available to affordably rent. i did recently watch godzilla minus one and enjoyed it very much.

today i found the first mayapple fruits of the season. they are soft but not quite ripe to my liking yet. ill only have to wait a few days before i can enjoy them as they ripen off the vine. summer has been very hot. its in the 100s(F) almost every day. sun screen is essential. there are not too many mushrooms around since it has not been raining a lot. there were a few weeks where we had some early chanterelles come up though. also im happy to say that this year a friend and i were able to collect many blackberries and even enough to make a delicious pie with.

tonight i am drinking egyptian licorice tea and having a buffalo chicken wrap for dinner. i use vegetarian chicken, bacon, red onion, tomato, romaine lettuce, buffalo sauce and blue cheese in a tortilla. it tastes fantastic every time